november: how i'm doing now?
10:06 pm i can't believe that i will use this blog again tho i stop on 2018 but for some reasons i'm here now, writing. it's been almost 3 years since i meet psychiatrist. i can't say that i'm doing fine now coz it still there. every night i'm struggling to have a peaceful sleep, every day i will fight with my own mind so that i can keep this "happy" face. i'm tired, i wish how it will stop, but does that even happen? am i have to be gone too just to end this pain? now, since i stop working i still wake up with heavy feelings. i try to have my day like i've planned the night before but nothing work. i will just end up lying on my bed, playing with my phone or sleep. i try to continue journaling coz there's like so many blank pages but again it only took me less than 20 mins to do it. i will feel unmotivated again. and coz of that, i kinda afraid of this online class things. i mean to wake up with those feelings, enter the class with empt...